Spiritual Companions
“The hunger for connection is one of the most fundamental desires of the human heart.… Our souls ache for a place of deep encounter with others. We want companions for the journey, companions with whom we can share our souls and our journey.”
Sacred Companions, David G Benner
Do you have a desire for more than superficial relationships? Do you long to be genuinely known by someone? Do you want to live along side someone who truly cares about your deepest fears, your greatest dreams, and your most intimate search for who you are? Can that relationship really exist?
Although I have yet to fully experience that type of relationship for any length of time, I believe it can exist and it is God’s desire for those chosen and adopted into his family to be united in such a relationship. How do we aim for such a lofty goal as complete unity among all followers of Christ? We begin one at a time.
Spiritual Companions is a term I became familiar with through the book Sacred Companions. The words of David Benner captured my attention even before chapter one. The quote above is from the Preface. It was as if I was reading what my soul had been trying to tell me for many years. I need someone to know me fully and allow me to know them. Someone to help me discover who I really am under all the stuff I have put on in an attempt to be who I thought I was supposed to be.
What about a spouse? There is no doubt my husband is my best friend and he knows me more than anyone. Yet there is a longing that is different than the intimacy of marriage. My husband is my refuge. I want someone who is there to battle with me in a different way.
A Spiritual Companion is one whose primary purpose is to help me hear God. They may console me as a friend but their greatest desire is to help me find the peace that comes only from knowing God’s heart.
What does time with a Spiritual Companion look like?
à Set aside a specified time preferably each week but no less than once a month.
à Set a date at which you will evaluate whether to continue meeting on this schedule. I suggest six months
When you meet…
1. Begin with acknowledging God’s presence verbally in prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to lead your conversation.
2. Take turns listening
§ Begin with one person sharing what is on their mind this week. For what specifically is she seeking God’s guidance? In what areas does she need clarification or confirmation? What deep spiritual longings is she seeking to satisfy or understand?
§ The listener should not offer any advice or feedback on the circumstances. She should ask questions to clarify the speaker’s statements both for her sake and for the sake of the speaker.
§ The listener should ask questions to help the speaker seek God. Such as:
· What would it look like to have your prayer answered as you desire?
· What do you think God’s will is in this situation?
· What goals/boundaries are you setting to progress toward what you believe to be God’s will?
· How will your goals/boundaries affect other people?
· Is this impact on others in line with what you understand from the Bible?
3. After one person has shared, spend time together praying over the areas addressed in her time of conversation.
§ Fifteen minutes should be sufficient time for one person to share.
§ The speaker should avoid talking about anyone except herself and God. We have no control over anyone but ourselves. God will speak to others but He allows each person to make their own choices. If you have a difficult situation with another person, seek God’s guidance for you personally rather than for the circumstance in general.
§ Include scripture in your prayer time if either of you feels led to look something up. This is not a time to act “spiritual.” Use scripture respectfully and only as led by God. The listener should not search scripture with an attitude that she must offer scripture to the speaker to “fix the problem.”
§ Include silent time to hear God speak. Don’t be afraid to sit silently for long periods of time. This may be uncomfortable at first but the thrill of hearing God in these silent times far outweighs our human desire for noise.
§ The prayer for that person should end when the “speaker” senses some sort of peace from God. It may be a specific answer found in scripture; an idea for a specific action or next step; or simply the assurance that God is in control.
4. After you have prayed through for the first speaker, change roles.
5. If a specific action has come to mind either during conversation or prayer, write out a plan of action including dates to accomplish specific tasks. This idea and plan should be initiated on the part of the speaker not the listener. Pray for the timing of opportunities and commit to trust God even if the idea does not seem logical. Trust that God will be in control even if you mess up. However, do not use that as an excuse to try anything. Remember the questions: Are your intended actions in line with scripture? If in doubt, seek confirmation through prayer with your spiritual companion. God will give you a sense of agreement if the actions are His will. Wait and listen for Him.
6. When your companion is seeking confirmation from you, be sure to spend time in prayer before you respond. Your confirmation must be from God, not from your opinion and perspective. And it must be in line with scripture.
7. If necessary, be willing to seek out a Christ follower who is more familiar with scripture and whom you understand to have a long-term deep relationship with God. This is an extremely delicate and confidential relationship. Do not break the confidential trust of the companion who has bared her soul. In most circumstances you should seek assistance together or with the agreement of the companion. The only exception would be in the case of one companion being in a mentoring relationship with another more mature Christ follower whose trust of confidentially is assured.
8. Keep a journal of your conversations and the actions that result from your spiritual companion relationship. This is your growth chart.
Are you willing to dive into deep relationship to discover who you really are? This is a commitment of time and an opportunity to expose yourself like never before. The risks are evident. The reward is a deeper relationship with God and a step closer to the body of Christ being united in faith. Make the connection and enjoy the journey.
May the peace of Christ be with you.
Lisa Crum
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
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